Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Halfway Point
Well I'm halfway done school now. Had a test today and did very well on it. Can't wait for this to be over with. On a sad note, I think I lost my best friend. He has stopped talking to me, blocked me on Facebook, and said some downright niasty things to me, again. This is the friend from my last post. It's been a week of this, and it finally blew up Sunday night. I'm surprised this didn't screw me over for my test, because I'm feeling pretty lost and down right now. I reallt don't know what to do about this. He insinuated that I lied to him about seeing someone, which isn't true. I'm definately not seeing anyone at the moment. I think I would know if I was before him. We were supposed to watch a baseball game together on Wed. night but I fell asleep. He had blown me off the previous couple days when we were supposed to meet up. I guess he thought it was me getting back at him, but it really wasn't, and I explained this to him. Still he proceeded to first say I was better off without him, and when I disgreed, he lashed out at me. Calling me names, saying he never really liked me, and that on our dead friend's birthday he hoped I cried all day. He wasn't drunk this time, unless he's been tanked 24/7 for the past week which I doubt. Every time I try and talk to him he logs off MSN, or tells me to fuck off. He tried to goad me into getting mad at him but it didn't work, which seemed to piss him off more, b/c I know he was looking to use it as ammo against me. Now I have no idea what to do. I tried getting another friend to check in with him, figure out what I did to make him act this way. Now that friend won't return messages. Am I really that terrible a person? I fall asleep and my friendships implode around me? I was told that this likely isn't the inciting incident, and that it's more likely deep seated resentment. Apparently I need to give it time and see where I am in a month. Shitty thing is, he's my best friend, the one guy I'm closest too, that I've told every part of my life to. I just don't know what to do if I've lost that.
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> Shitty thing is, he's my
ReplyDelete> best friend, the one guy
> I'm closest too, that I've
> told every part of my life
> to. I just don't know what
> to do if I've lost that.
Rebuilding sucks. But have faith that you can do it.
I hope you don't mind me asking, but have you ever thought of joining any gay sports teams? They're often a good place to meet nice gay guys. When I came out, I joined the gay rugby team here in Seattle. It was awesome to meet genuinely male gay guys. I felt a lot more at home after that.