I talked again with my friend, who is trying to help me with another friend. To simplify this, the friend who s helping me i'll call J, and the friend who im in fear of losing i'll call A. I told J more about the convo's i've had with A. He seemed less certain of what to do. Probably not a good sign. I've never imagined my life without A in it. He's always been there for me. Maybe that is the problem. Maybe he felt like I was to big a burden or something. Maybe I was stopping him from healing. I would hate to think that, but if it's true, then I really should stop trying to make this work, since I really would be a burden to him.
My BF whom I've only mentioned in passing died last August. He took his own life. He was A's best friend. A took care of me as best he could, though it was hard for both of us. I sometimes do wonder if I got in the way of him dealing with his emotions. Like he spent all his energy on me and not himself. I'd feel guilty if that were the case.
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Brother, people are responsible for their own actions. You mentioned your were in school and I'd guess that you were in your early twenties. If that's the case, remember that both you and A are inexperienced in dealing with real life problems like a suicide among the people you love, let alone a suicide that happened last month!
ReplyDeleteOther than signalling to A that you are still open to a relationship and want to be there for him, there's nothing you can do on that front. He needs to find his own way. Give him time and space.
My question is "What are you doing for yourself?" I know it's hard to be willing to open up to a counselor, but as someone who has been through my share of shit in life, there's no shame in it. Plus, if you find the right counselor with a personality that works well with yours, it can really help.
no the suicide happened last year in August. sorry if i didnt clarify that.
ReplyDeleteCopy that. Same question, though. Have you been talking to anybody about this?
ReplyDeleteno i really dont talk to anyone about this. im not much good at expressing myself to people. Thts why i started this as a way to vent, and hopefully get some good feedback, and that def. seems to be helping.
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