Update

Wow, its been forever since Ive been on here. Lots has happened and changed. Where to start? Me and A are going through an off again on again phase, but I think its coming to an end. 2 years was a long time to wait, and he can't wait I suppose. He admitted he slept with another guy a couple times, and that he likes him. Much as it hurts, and much as I can forgive him for it, he doesn't seem to want me around anymore. I kind of get the feeling he talks to me out of guilt or pity, which one I'm not sure. I'm not stupid, i realise there's nuthing I can do about this. I'm too far away and someone else is the center of his interest. I don't want to lose the friendship though, so I;m not sure how to go about extracting myself, without hurting either of us irrepairably. I already feel the discomfort talking to him, while I know when we say goodnight, he's off with the other guy having sex or sumthing. I really can only imagine, and my mind plays tricks on me. A was injured at his job and is going through surgeries to replace his knee. It also means he likely will never return to his job and will have to find other employment. Part of me thinks that he thinks hes useless, and that I must think the same thing of him, so he rationalises pushing me away, because in his mind its what I really want. He's a complex guy like that. It makes it hard to communicate with him somtimes, b/c he just shuts down. I'm not gonna lie, the lack of communication is not helping things, it never has. Its likely why we're in this mess and likely is the end of it as well. Time will tell after his recovery. I get the feeling that once he recovers itll be a "see ya kid" sort of thing. I'll probably get tossed aside, but I am not certain so I guess I'm clinging to some hope that he'll see the light or sumthing.

Other then that crap, I have outed myself to most of my family. My Mom and her husband knows, as do most of my extened family. My step siblings still need to know though, but that will come soon. Then I can be a fully out person except at work, but really its none of their business so Im not concerned about it. Looking forward to an ATV trip at the end of April with my buddies. Hopefully that takes my mind off things. Shud be a lot of fun, lots of booze, weed, and mud, haha, my kinda weekend. Going to Edmonton with Mom and her husand next weekend to see my step bro and his fiancee, miht be a good time to out myself. I'll check with the folks.
Sorry its been so long, kinda forgot about this place lol.